He got his medical degree from the same school as Dr. Nick Riviera.

Whoops, this one hit a little too close to home, didn’t it?

Womp womp.

I think a square of gauze on his ear would be much more effective.

I was very young the one time I visited South Carolina with my parents, so my memory is admittedly a bit hazy - this place is in Charleston, right?

This would be fantastic. We can even honor Leo’s Chicago roots by playing Alan Parsons Project during his intro.

JD literally woke up one morning and decided to debate theology with the fucking Vicar of Christ.

After crushing up the penis bone into a fine powder and snorting it, Bobby discovered that no, raccoon penis bone powder does not put you into a psychedelic state. It does give you brain worms though.

Imagine being literally off the planet and still be expected to check your work email.

The squirrels were sighted shortly afterwards in a poorly modified Subaru WRX.

Oh good, someone is happy at least.

Nah, couldn’t be him. He got cancelled.

I too have figured out teleportation. All it takes is for me to consume a bottle of tequila, and I wake up some time later in a dumpster outside of a Wal Mart. Two things I have yet to figure out; why is it always a dumpster outside Wal Mart? And why do I always lose my pants when passing through the quantum realm? Who, or what, is stealing my pants?

If they can even survive past asking why their pizza doesn’t have any cheese on it.

Which country will one of these people end up getting murdered? My money’s on France. Someone is going to douse their steak au poivre in bacon flavored ranch, and the reaction won’t be pretty.

Well yeah, if it’s 4,000 years old, odds are pretty solid it isn’t human.

Hopefully that feeling is his left arm going tingly and numb because he’s about to have a massive heart attack that’ll finally finish the fucking job.

Well…I laughed. I’ll just see myself to hell now.

It’s amazing how many of these pricks just completely blow up the old argument of never judging a book by its cover. Just look at this asshole. He might as well write on his jawline “aim your fist here.”

Grandma gets to hear “six sevvven” for all of eternity.