i’ve never been terrified of anything, except a fox. i watched that episode of x-files that featured the chupacabra and then encountered a fox out in the wild–you can imagine this loss of suburban innocence if you think hard about it and use your imagination. now, a typical fox looks nothing like a mexican goatsucker (maybe if it was bulked up with cans of goya black beans and had bigger teeth) but it put the scare into me because i had only encountered the occasional groundhog and stray cat at night; back then you didn’t see too many bums around.

one of those stray cats used to come around a lot and i named it ‘sugar’ because it was stark white and that song fly was on the radio a lot, the one by that band sugar ray. and after it hung around for awhile (i would leave out bush’s baked beans in a tupperware container because i felt bad) it became part of the family. i renamed it ‘yeti’ because i thought sugar was too homoerotic but that’s for another post.

“tech executive here, did you guys know i named my company after lord of the rings? i read it in high school…”

redditor: "holy shit guys, did you know tech executives were this smart? i was never into cuck porn before this post but now i’m a true believer.’

market research firm lol. get a real job.