Abundance in online dating makes it harder to become curious about a person, tolerate uncertainty, or feel satisfied with our choice, writes Meehika Barua.
From what I understand, women are deluged with mobs of low-effort fuck boys and men are mostly ignored, which creates a feedback loop where men swipe on anything just for the hope of a match, which only makes things worse.
It’s really fascinating from a systems perspective. But it used to be better before enshittification, in my limitted experience. The reality is that quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
Well duh, they earn money when you use their app. And you stop using the app if it does what it’s supposed to. Finding the love of your life is the worst possible thing to happen for the company since they lose you as a customer
One of my friends, who is a woman, once showed me her dating app to show me why she found it so exhausting. I tell you, I’m ashamed of my fellow males. She got so many cheap messages from horny guys, to the point where she found the app useless.
For me, last time I used a dating app, I found it very hard to strike up a meaningful conversation with my matches. It was like I had to carry the whole conversation and they took forever to respond. So in that retrospect, it might be why some guys don’t put in much effort when contacting women. But most of the massages my friend showed me, where absolutely just mouth breathing horny guys.
Gay dating apps are bad too. It’s no better with only men involved. On sniffies, for example, you get on and start texting with a cock pic. Want to have a conversation, get to know them, figure out if they are worth your time, hell, even if they are safe to be around and it’s treated as heretical. It’s just perverted goons.
Guys on these apps lobotomize themselves. They shouldn’t be breeding.
it could be worse. she could have gone on a date with one and they say something really sad like “all the women on there just want sex. I want something meaningful”
oh honey…you have been hitting up all the bots.
there is a point where most people go “this might be a scam” but there is a special few that go so far to give it a whole backstory.
My last runthrough with the apps, I’d carefully read everyone’s profile and craft an interesting introductory message. It took quite a bit of time and was rarely rewarded with a reply, much less a conversation, much less a first date. My messages got shorter and shorter until eventually I was just mass swiping. And, just as far as a use of time goes, if all that matters is a woman likes your profile, it’s more efficient to roboswipe and filter the women who match back.
Also, the emotional toll of serially declaring “I like you” and asking “do you like me?” only to be greeted by rejection after rejection is pretty devastating.
Anyway, very happy with my current girlfriend whom I randomly ran into at a store while looking for an accordion.
Which one was it, Bumble I think? With the gimmick of requiring women to make the first move? The one that categorically failed because women categorically will not make the first move?
I’m not saying you’ re wrong that women don’t like to approach men online. Bumble says 2/3s of women they surveyed said they don’t want to do it (which does leave 1/3, so you can update your extreme statement)…
But to calm your aggravation, maybe you could do a little thought experiment and see if you can’t find some reason other than women suck.
So, for instance, let’s presume the #1 problem women have with online dating is that men are mostly interested in sex. It seems to be a very common complaint, so this is plausible.
SO what happens when a woman makes the first move, is that she is giving some horny guy hope. A guy might say, " well, i don’t think she’s attractive or interesting, but maybe there’s a chance she’ll fuck me on our first date." And that’s not a great position to be in for a woman who is interested in a relationship.
Maybe the reason women don’t make the first move is to lower the odds that they’ll go on a date with a guy who has absolutely ZERO interest in her at all other than as a hole.
And this is not a conversation we’re allowed to have so much any more, because it implies that men are more interested in sex and women are more interested in relationships, and, despite this being the pretty obvious statistical truth driving why online dating is so shitty, this view is considered gender-essentialist.
Edit: I’m not saying I’m right, just offering you a thought exercise based on understanding instead of blame/aggravation.
So make men make the first move, and put him in the position of “Is this chick interested in me at all for anything or does she just want a free dinner?”
Look, the only solution to this is to make dating illegal and prostitution mandatory. Men want sex, women want money. So let’s kick this bullshit power play nonsense in the head, stop pretending love exists, and put the fucking price tag back on.
You might have a selection bias problem. That is, since you are only interested in sex, women probably pick up on that and the people who agree to go on dates with you are the informal sex workers.
quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
Exactly. That’s the gamification. They want to keep you grinding against bots and employees, otherwise they won’t make money.
EDIT:
I’ll add that men are probably the customer here, and that might make women seem like the product, the company can actually swap out real women for bots and employees, making real women obsolete to the business model of dating apps.
Oh, men are definitely the customers. There was a website with a pornstar backer… Madison something or other. It was billed as a place to meet horny married women looking to have an affair–just sex, no attachment. It got hacked and, surprise surprise, it was entirely men talking to bots.
I can imagine. The difference between accidentally falling for someone at work, and sitting in front of a computer, credit card hand, is quite a difference in intentionality.
From what I understand, women are deluged with mobs of low-effort fuck boys and men are mostly ignored, which creates a feedback loop where men swipe on anything just for the hope of a match, which only makes things worse.
It’s really fascinating from a systems perspective. But it used to be better before enshittification, in my limitted experience. The reality is that quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
Well duh, they earn money when you use their app. And you stop using the app if it does what it’s supposed to. Finding the love of your life is the worst possible thing to happen for the company since they lose you as a customer
One of my friends, who is a woman, once showed me her dating app to show me why she found it so exhausting. I tell you, I’m ashamed of my fellow males. She got so many cheap messages from horny guys, to the point where she found the app useless.
For me, last time I used a dating app, I found it very hard to strike up a meaningful conversation with my matches. It was like I had to carry the whole conversation and they took forever to respond. So in that retrospect, it might be why some guys don’t put in much effort when contacting women. But most of the massages my friend showed me, where absolutely just mouth breathing horny guys.
Gay dating apps are bad too. It’s no better with only men involved. On sniffies, for example, you get on and start texting with a cock pic. Want to have a conversation, get to know them, figure out if they are worth your time, hell, even if they are safe to be around and it’s treated as heretical. It’s just perverted goons.
Guys on these apps lobotomize themselves. They shouldn’t be breeding.
it could be worse. she could have gone on a date with one and they say something really sad like “all the women on there just want sex. I want something meaningful”
oh honey…you have been hitting up all the bots.
there is a point where most people go “this might be a scam” but there is a special few that go so far to give it a whole backstory.
My last runthrough with the apps, I’d carefully read everyone’s profile and craft an interesting introductory message. It took quite a bit of time and was rarely rewarded with a reply, much less a conversation, much less a first date. My messages got shorter and shorter until eventually I was just mass swiping. And, just as far as a use of time goes, if all that matters is a woman likes your profile, it’s more efficient to roboswipe and filter the women who match back.
Also, the emotional toll of serially declaring “I like you” and asking “do you like me?” only to be greeted by rejection after rejection is pretty devastating.
Anyway, very happy with my current girlfriend whom I randomly ran into at a store while looking for an accordion.
This could be good for at least a Hallmark movie.
And the grand gesture is me playing Billie Jean outside her engagement party to the business mogul?
No, he did Weird Al’s another one rides the bus on accordion outside her window, it was so romantic.
Women deserve it.
Which one was it, Bumble I think? With the gimmick of requiring women to make the first move? The one that categorically failed because women categorically will not make the first move?
You flooded your bed, now drown in it.
User name checks out.
Constantly. Show me the lie.
I’m not saying you’ re wrong that women don’t like to approach men online. Bumble says 2/3s of women they surveyed said they don’t want to do it (which does leave 1/3, so you can update your extreme statement)…
But to calm your aggravation, maybe you could do a little thought experiment and see if you can’t find some reason other than women suck.
So, for instance, let’s presume the #1 problem women have with online dating is that men are mostly interested in sex. It seems to be a very common complaint, so this is plausible.
SO what happens when a woman makes the first move, is that she is giving some horny guy hope. A guy might say, " well, i don’t think she’s attractive or interesting, but maybe there’s a chance she’ll fuck me on our first date." And that’s not a great position to be in for a woman who is interested in a relationship.
Maybe the reason women don’t make the first move is to lower the odds that they’ll go on a date with a guy who has absolutely ZERO interest in her at all other than as a hole.
And this is not a conversation we’re allowed to have so much any more, because it implies that men are more interested in sex and women are more interested in relationships, and, despite this being the pretty obvious statistical truth driving why online dating is so shitty, this view is considered gender-essentialist.
Edit: I’m not saying I’m right, just offering you a thought exercise based on understanding instead of blame/aggravation.
So make men make the first move, and put him in the position of “Is this chick interested in me at all for anything or does she just want a free dinner?”
Look, the only solution to this is to make dating illegal and prostitution mandatory. Men want sex, women want money. So let’s kick this bullshit power play nonsense in the head, stop pretending love exists, and put the fucking price tag back on.
You might have a selection bias problem. That is, since you are only interested in sex, women probably pick up on that and the people who agree to go on dates with you are the informal sex workers.
I’ve never once installed a dating app on my phone in my entire life, so…nope. I’m on the outside of this one looking in.
So you got all this information from…?
Exactly. That’s the gamification. They want to keep you grinding against bots and employees, otherwise they won’t make money.
EDIT:
I’ll add that men are probably the customer here, and that might make women seem like the product, the company can actually swap out real women for bots and employees, making real women obsolete to the business model of dating apps.
Oh, men are definitely the customers. There was a website with a pornstar backer… Madison something or other. It was billed as a place to meet horny married women looking to have an affair–just sex, no attachment. It got hacked and, surprise surprise, it was entirely men talking to bots.
almost everything i heard about ashely, is about someone is a serial cheater.
I can imagine. The difference between accidentally falling for someone at work, and sitting in front of a computer, credit card hand, is quite a difference in intentionality.