Høiby is alleged to have raped four women between 2018 and November 2024. All the alleged assaults allegedly took place after consensual intercourse while the women were sleeping.
I hope this goes better than Assange’s trial went.
Please read and and try to understand my point, I know that what follows may be controversial. I 110% agree that no one should be forced into acts which it doesn’t desire, and that the guy is a proven douche, but is it rape if it was in the frame of consensual sex? I love getting woken up by sexy stuff.
Does getting in bed for a night of sex have to have a written out menu, script or 15 page contract?
I can clearly discern between a soft, coy or giggly no, and a hard no, and don’t think I could force a woman to have sex with me (I find the concept so abhorrent I’d probably go limp). I’m the type that ensures “she’s had her fill (pun intended?) before I finish the meal”
I think that if someone has gotten in bed with you for sex, and stays, it could be safe to assume they are open to more.
Maybe he didn’t acknowledge a serious “No!” I don’t know.
Also, it may be good to keep in mind what one of the old time heroic feminists, Greer, from the 60s-70s said that “often rape isn’t, it’s bad sex”.
If two people are not actually explicitly communicating, then both of them are making assumptions. I’ve slept over at other people’s places because I’ve stayed late and the last bus/train has already left, because I’ve suddenly felt really tired and didn’t want to bother/didn’t feel safe to drive, because it was closer to work the next day, and, yes, because we fell asleep after sex. And absolutely none of that was consent for someone to start having sex with me while I was sleeping. Which is why communicating with your partners is important.
Just because you like being woken up by sexy times doesn’t mean everyone enjoys it. As an example, someone who has been previously been raped or attempted raped might not appreciate it - which happens to be one out of every four woman in the United States.
And the 12% of all women in the US who were raped by an “intimate partner” will likely particularly not appreciate it.
It’s also likely that some of the 81% of US women who have suffered sexual harassment might have some problem with it. So, y’know, maybe you should start explicitly asking before having sex with someone, even if you did have sex earlier that night.
I hope this goes better than Assange’s trial went.
Please read and and try to understand my point, I know that what follows may be controversial. I 110% agree that no one should be forced into acts which it doesn’t desire, and that the guy is a proven douche, but is it rape if it was in the frame of consensual sex? I love getting woken up by sexy stuff.
Does getting in bed for a night of sex have to have a written out menu, script or 15 page contract? I can clearly discern between a soft, coy or giggly no, and a hard no, and don’t think I could force a woman to have sex with me (I find the concept so abhorrent I’d probably go limp). I’m the type that ensures “she’s had her fill (pun intended?) before I finish the meal”
I think that if someone has gotten in bed with you for sex, and stays, it could be safe to assume they are open to more. Maybe he didn’t acknowledge a serious “No!” I don’t know.
Also, it may be good to keep in mind what one of the old time heroic feminists, Greer, from the 60s-70s said that “often rape isn’t, it’s bad sex”.
If two people are not actually explicitly communicating, then both of them are making assumptions. I’ve slept over at other people’s places because I’ve stayed late and the last bus/train has already left, because I’ve suddenly felt really tired and didn’t want to bother/didn’t feel safe to drive, because it was closer to work the next day, and, yes, because we fell asleep after sex. And absolutely none of that was consent for someone to start having sex with me while I was sleeping. Which is why communicating with your partners is important.
Just because you like being woken up by sexy times doesn’t mean everyone enjoys it. As an example, someone who has been previously been raped or attempted raped might not appreciate it - which happens to be one out of every four woman in the United States.
And the 12% of all women in the US who were raped by an “intimate partner” will likely particularly not appreciate it.
It’s also likely that some of the 81% of US women who have suffered sexual harassment might have some problem with it. So, y’know, maybe you should start explicitly asking before having sex with someone, even if you did have sex earlier that night.