“They repeatedly feel rejected. They are frustrated when at a social get-together they once again fail to connect with anyone and return home feeling alone,” she said.
“How Soon Is Now?” by The Smiths:
There’s a club if you’d like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home and you cry
And you want to die44 years ago
This shouldn’t his as hard as it does.
Thanks for the tunes!
People nowadays seem to forget that socialising is a skill. And to learn a skill one must learn by putting effort into and initially failing a lot.
Social platforms give the sensation of allowing one to skip this by jumping straight into ongoing conversations for a brief post, but that’s also not building any social skill.
There’s no place to socialize though. I wouldn’t know where I could meet people my age (20s) that doesn’t cost money or includes activities that I don’t like (e.g. clubbing).
honestly as much as I feel similarly, it hurts me to know people your age are struggling in such a way.
My 20s were filled with opportunity, things to do, and it didn’t even break the bank. My university had a bar connected to the building, I think pints of alright beer were about £1.50.I really hope things get better soon. Y’all should at least have the options of things like I did, yet half the things around me closed down or are priced out of range now!
There are so many places that cost nothing or very little, especially in Germany. Don’t get into the doomer mindset that is so prevalent on the internet, that tell you that it’s the same suburban car infested shithole that is north america. There are so many clubs (Vereine) that struggle to find new members, but you’re right that you often won’t meet too many people around your age, it’s mostly older people and children, but that also depends on what the club is for. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Has that changed over the years? Have such places and activities disappeared or gone up in price?
I mean, everything got more expensive. And I do hear that more and more youth centres and such are closing down, taking away places to socialise for young people in particular.
What has disappeared for me personally though is school/uni as a place to socialise at. I’ve never had the need before to search out specific places to meet people. It just happened organically. Now I don’t even know where I‘d even find new people. I’m stuck with just the few I knew back in school and uni and they mostly don’t live anywhere close by.
And I do hear that more and more youth centres and such are closing down, taking away places to socialise for young people in particular.
Is that due to austerity or something else?
I can’t speak for wherever the original commentator ist from. In Germany most youth centres were partly or completely volunteer run. There are fewer people volunteering today, so the centres don’t find enough people to open up or supervise events/gatherings. And at some point then they’re closing forever.
On that note, looking for a volunteer group near you is also an awesome way to socialise.
Any hunch as to why there’s fewer volunteers today?
Just some personal anecdotes and comments on the matter.
In my opinion, there appears to be a societal trend towards more egoistical behaviour in people. Whereas in the past, more people strived to work for their greater community and society (at least here in Europe), in the last couple of years American individualism and with that, a more egoistic focus became more prevalent. Many people today wonder why they should give their time freely when they could use it for other interests, paid employment, or (quality) alone time. Even disregarding that some of their hobbies can only be done because others still volunteer their time (sports coaches, etc.).
The “I want to use my spare time for myself” attitude is one of the most heard answers when I am asking people why they won’t join us in volunteer work (be it community work or sports).
Fewer* people
Thanks, I need to practice my English skills a bit. I’m getting rusty.
I think the more important issue is that that social media, to an extent, acts as a substitute for face-to-face social interaction - you can talk with online strangers, or all those old classmates and college friends who aren’t even living in the same city as you do. Rejection and being awkward sucks, so it’s easy to stick with the inferior substitute, but you’re still missing out on face-to-face interaction, human touch and meeting potential romantic partners.
I have zero money to go out and many formerly free ways to socialize have been commodified beyond my reach. It’s not impossible but it takes a lot more time and effort than it used to.
I learned that skill but socializing has become too cumbersome in today‘s social landscape where almost everyone is either online on an app that doesn‘t incentivize equal relationships (Think Instagram, Youtube, TikTok) or busy hustling and making insane posts on LinkedIn. Just meeting up is something nobody does anymore it seems.
Why would you require a good socializing skill though? Making this some requirement doesn’t seem to solve any issue. Just let people be the way they are. They should still be able to have friends.
It’s interesting that you oppose “being yourself” to “socializing skills”…
I am saying that because it seemed to me like you’re implying people need to learn and train their socializing skills, even when it’s not in their nature.
No no. They only have to, if they want to live in society. If they are fine on their own, there’s no need.
If they want to live in society, training is actually the best way to do something that is not “in your nature”.
It’s not a requirement per se, but people without social skills make contact with others harder. The proliferation of online “meeting places” lead to the degradation of social skills that is then making people connect more difficult, making everyone lonelier.
In my opinion at least.
You exercise skills to be better at them because it gives you a better life. If you’re bad at socialising it might mean you end up with few friends, and that might make you lonely. So you practise socialising to expand your friend group so you won’t be lonely. It sounds like you prescribe to this weird new age “who you are is amazing and you don’t ever need to do any self improvement! If someone doesn’t like you it’s their problem!” No, sometimes it is in fact your problem. None of us are perfect. We can all improve in many ways.
I don’t think you’re seeing the connection you’re making. What I’m saying is why should a socializing skill be a requirement to have friends? That is a basic human need, not something you should have to exercise for.
The same reason being nice to people makes them like you. That’s how humans work. If you’re mean to people they won’t like you. If you’re boring, people don’t find you interesting. If you say inappropriate things, they won’t like it. If your jokes suck, they won’t find you funny. We aren’t born perfectly socialised and wonderful human beings. We learn to become well integrated and liked by others. It’s a critical part of human development.
This is where idealism and reality conflict. It would be lovely if we were born as perfect creatures and everyone liked us. Many people are quite socially gifted. Many of us are not (and I include myself). We can’t force others to like us or spend time with us, so we are forced to work on ourselves and become better. Nicer. Friendlier. Funnier. More interesting. Better at listening. More empathetic. Etc.
That is a different field from social skills.
And I posit that being nice or working on yourself, being funnier, etc. don’t make people like you any more. That is not something that matters to most people. They’ll dislike you regardless of character, speech, looks or personality.
Can confirm, I’m German and haven’t made a new friend in over 10 years and most of the old ones live far away. I was kind of getting somewhere at one point in the middle, but that completely crashed and burned for love reasons.
I used to make actual friends and have meaningful relationships in german internet forums. We would meet up somewhat frequently. Come to think of it I haven‘t had that since installing Discord. In fact I have not made a single friend on Discord in nearly 10 years. Everyone on there is too busy with themselves, so it‘s not that surprising I guess. There was a time when I was a trainee and made a lot of friends through room mates but that‘s all gone since I moved and the pandemic.
Check if there’s a Disorcd server for your city, you might have to check if there’s a subreddit which also has a Discord server. I met so many people that way, hasn’t really lead to any friendships though.
I assure you there isn’t one but thank you anyway.
Not even for the next larger city?
Two larger cities created one together just two weeks ago and it‘s already dead.
Already dead? That implies it was active and people stopped using it, but if they justed created it it will take time to become active, just like Lemmy.
Okay I‘ll just wait a couple years then /s
How old are, if I may ask? I haven’t made a whole bunch of new friends for quite some time now, but that’s fairly normal once you’ve become a wageslave. I just don’t have the mental strength for the upkeep of new friendships.
Magic the Gathering is on the rise again, through which I could at least maintain some meetings with cool colleagues from work. So that’s cool I guess.
Let’s just say I’m long out of college/uni. IMO, it’s one thing to keep to old friendships if at least some of them are local, but if pretty much all of them live far enough away that they need to stay the night to visit, that’s a big issue and more socially apt people will probably do something about it.
I do have a lot of handicaps, though (shy, generally bad at socializing, several chronic illnesses that get in the way, very poor), so I’m maybe not that representative for the experience of the average person in Germany.
A topic that has been discussed before, but not way enough and no solution has been reached.
The death of third spaces.
Honestly, I’m not sure if that really applies to Germany. A lot of downtown areas are kind of dying because they don’t know what to do with the space that is left empty when stores close, but it’s usually not the kind of store you would consider a third place. I suppose those stores drew people into the downtown areas and then people also went to a café or something, but the cafés are still there and people still go there. I haven’t heard much about closures of theatres, museums, libraries and so on. What kind of third spaces are you missing?
The connection to political extremism seems as obvious as it is concerning, and I haven’t seen much research on that. This also relates to the topic of “male loneliness epidemic” - there is a particular radicalization pipeline that is IMO much more likely to draw in lonely men than lonely women, so even if men are just as lonely as women, the outcomes won’t necessarily be the same.
the extreme right ideologies seem to be effective at making their movements feel like social communities even at large scales. Really shitty fandom communities complete with cosplaying and their own fictional universe and two dimensional enemies but communities nonetheless.
If you are lonely and German, I can be your friend. You can teach me the ways of the apfelstrudel, and I can show you the age old tradition of “långburk & parkbänk”.
Sooo…sitting in the park and enjoying a can of beer? Is there more to it?
In good company, what more would you need?
Oh yeah i guess there is a translation issue, I was only directly translating the written words but couldn’t find out whether this is an expression with a deeper meaning/ tradition to it, so that’s what I tried to ask 😊
No worries my friend. Thanks to your question others recieved further clarification. I did not in anyway percieve your question as antagonistic. And I only engaged in some friendly banter.
I will buy some frozen Apfelstrudel 🙂
to be fair, I think Apfelstrudel is a very austrian thing.
sorry to break it to you but it’s gonna be Currywurst and Köstritzer at least for a few years until you’re ready
I’m not much of a baker or Apfelstrudel eater.
Reminds me a LOT of a meme I’ve seen on the net a long time ago:
Relationship > No Relationship
BUT!
Relationship > No Relationship > TOXIC Relationship
and as having a good, stable, lasting and healthy relationship seems to be more luck than anything else, choosing the middle path is the choice most take. Because no, there’s no shortage in finding a toxic relationship…
Well, not most. 61% of Germans 40-49 are married. Most people find someone they like enough to marry. It’s hard and is risky, but most people think it’s worth it.
According to a recent study by the World Health Organization, one in six people worldwide feels lonely.
That’s the foundation for the headline. How can they make it about Germany? They support that study with German numbers but there is nothing about a specific German epidemic. A bit ironic for an article that warns about the AfD mindset.
Germany sees loneliness epidemic among young people
It’s a problem that is present in Germany, even if it’s also present in other countries, and the article does mention studies and statistics that show that it’s definitely happening in Germany, too (e.g. Techniker Krankenkasse Loneliness Report 2024).
Also note “This article was originally written in German.” - it was written for a German-speaking audience, they’re speaking with German experts and they’re citing studies and statistics from Germany, alongside the WHO study.
If it is a German problem, the analysis looks for something German as the cause. If it is international then the analysis should focus on causes that are not typical German.
The framing puts the focus of the analysis on the wrong details.
DW is Deutsche Welle - a German international broadcaster.
It might surprise you but DW is Germany’s international broadcaster.
I know, Germany is their baseline. Yet why present it as a German problem? It’s a global problem.
Well it might not be a problem in Vanuatu, so it was safer to say in Germany instead.
The future is bleak and there is no hope.destroy the current order of things, all of it.
