MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
how often does this actually happen. I remember seeing a news item that mentioned a previous but to call it alpine devorce it would have to be at least 3 figures here or its just nutters the way other nutter activity is.
In a TikTok with more than 4.2m likes, a woman bawls as she takes shaky steps down a rock formation. “He left me by myself, I should have never come with him,” sobs the woman, who did not respond to a request for comment. Others flooded the comments section with stories about being served with an alpine divorce. One woman described a 12-hour journey out of the Grand Canyon after her boyfriend ditched her, during which she was assisted by a “very nice man from Norway” who carried her backpack. Another described getting lost in the woods after a man left her behind, and immediately blocking his number once she got home.
Many of the women described having some level of dependence on their partner in nature. They may not have been carrying the right supplies or enough water, or were not familiar with the terrain, making them feel vulnerable.
“It’s such a common thing,” said Julie Ellison, the first female editor-in-chief of Climbing magazine who now works as an outdoor lifestyle photographer. She has heard “so many stories” about men fumbling outdoor dates. “There’s that male ego element to it that’s not necessarily evil or ill-intentioned, but it usually has a negative effect on the partner who’s being left behind.”
The article describes many instances of this happening and actually references the recent case in Austria where a man was found guilty of gross negligence manslaughter. He had also done it to a previous girlfriend.
So yes, it happens often enough for many women to have similar stories. The term ‘alpine divorce’ didn’t come out of nowhere either:
TikTokers talking about alpine divorce might not know that the phrase comes from an 1893 short story by the Scottish Canadian writer Robert Barr about an unhappily married couple who spends a weekend away in the Alps. The husband had planned to push his wife off the summit during a hike, but in an O Henry-esque twist, the wife tells him she has framed him for murder before jumping off the ledge herself, right before the police she called show up.
That said, many alpine divorces do not happen because a man has ill intentions. Maybe, like the Austrian hiker claimed, he thought he was doing the right thing. Maybe he was impatient, or had a woefully uncritical view of the Hemingway-esque macho man archetype that he wanted to embody in nature. Or maybe he had a radically different goal for the hike than his partner, and they failed to touch base beforehand.
Im still not really sure here as I have also seen things where yeah you can find people who experienced the same thing but the numbers are not really taken into account. Just hearing tiktok makes me skeptical. I mean with billions people hundreds is like .00001%. Like chance of having experienced a mugging is .1% in the us. I will say though that it really boggles my mind the whole many may not be ill intent but then again that makes me more inclined to think of it as nutters. Like the incidence of schizophrenia is less than 1 in 100 but greater than 1 in a thousand. So like the news articles can be like. Schizophrenic wave continues to sweep the planet!
You would have all of your questions answered if you read the article
Like chance of having experienced a mugging is .1% in the us.
Would you similarly disbelieve someone if they told you they were mugged? Or is that only reserved for women telling stories of men who have mistreated them?
Im not disbelieving. I just find articles with titles that make things out to be a common occurrence or a thing to be wierd when its a rarity. I mean I even get the term because that comes from the group who in talking with each other start using it and with the internet that possible.
that’s what makes it a viral social media thing though. you take a rare thing and try to claim it’s a trend or a novelty.
well and thats the thing with this back and forth im having with another person. they are taking the track I don’t like the article but I just don’t like the title and the way its common with the social media age. I mean I could totally see this in that one section of the sunday paper that dives deeper into things like this.
how often does this actually happen. I remember seeing a news item that mentioned a previous but to call it alpine devorce it would have to be at least 3 figures here or its just nutters the way other nutter activity is.
That’s because your initial comment I replied to said nothing about the title of the article. You were questioning if it even happens often enough to warrant attention.
Dude - read the article. Not just the title, the actual article. The author backs up their title.
What are you talking about? It goes through some individual stories. There is nothing that backs up its like a common occurence or a massive uptick or something.
How many women have to tell similar stories before you believe that it’s a thing that happens frequently enough for there to be a whole article written about it?
Yeah, I would. People lie. Especially for clout and victimhood status. Especially on social media.
Oh I’ve run into you before.
You don’t think your tales of woe about women are for victimhood status? Lol
I know this isn’t really the same, but the article struck a chord with my and the experiences I have with my fiance. She convinced me to buy and play Arc Raiders. (It’s an extraction shooter.) This isn’t the type of game I normally play. I am not good. She made a run for an extraction point, and didn’t wait for me to be in the elevator before pressing the button to extract, leaving me stranded with the enemy everywhere. (She’s run way ahead of me in game before and I’ve taken issue with it and explained I feel abandoned when she runs way ahead without me.) The last time we played, I happened to make it to the elevator before her, and I made a point to say, “are you in the elevator,” before pressing the god damned button.
Obviously, I wasn’t in real danger, but those experiences have made me wary of depending on her.
I’m just gonna say it, if you want to break up with your girlfriend don’t be a dick about it.
“Don’t go on a hike with someone you don’t trust.” All you little boys in here victim blaming need to be checked.
The amount and stuntedness of emotionally stunted immature men is only going up with social media…everything
Got back into the dating world recently and was pretty surprised to learn that respectfully communicating your feelings about things afterwards is apparently rare. People need to grow up.
Ever since social media took over, dating and relationship rates have plummeted.
i left this bitch ass on a mountain one time he was being toxic as hell. ruined my damn trip. left him up there with a group of girls we had just met. fuck it
I would never leave my girlfriend stranded on a hike. I need her for if there is a bear.
“We need to talk” has now been replaced by “We need to go for a hike.”
I imagine a good way to make your significant other sweat in that region is to leave your hiking boots by the door.
Balanced take. This kind of thing is very veryserious. But also a dilution of the term Alpine Divorce, which people have died from.
Women shouldn’t bring up annoying nagging shit on hikes… because of the implication.
Co-opting alpine divorce, which regularly involves a murder attempt, feels weird? Just call it the sierra split.
I do wonder how much of this is a cheapening of the weekend getaway, where you’d go to a B&B upstate, find out your potential partner snores, drinks to much, is rude to service workers, or views a toothbrush as optional. You’d sigh and split. It’s just a bad weekend.
But with this, camping and hiking is a complication. You’re drinking warm filtered water from a Nalgene, eating granola because someone forgot to bring a lighter. Also, it’s raining and all your socks are wet. Did you bring anything to wash dishes? Ah, there are no dishes. You smell like smoke and are covered in sand.
Granted, you can do camping/hiking well, but I’d bet some of these cases are from people doing it poorly, trying to save a buck by avoiding more expensive weekend getaways.
Some people, not anyways men, have been taught, rather mercilessly, that they have to be self sufficient. These people get aggravated, even angry when someone else fails to live up to the standard that they (unfairly) were forced to. There can be an instinctive feeling that it is somehow an injustice to them.
That doesn’t excuse abandoning someone in the wilderness. Often these people struggle to learn to be a kind helper.
Also, none of this is meant to excuse the behavior. It is possible to understand “why” without condoning it. When confronting this it is important to be firm that it is unacceptable, as well as understanding that it may be a struggle to relearn.
See, when my wife starts to walk too slow I usually just grumble a bunch, then take everything she had with her, grab her hand, then tow her along.
That way she gets some help going faster, I know when I’m going too fast and can slow down, so when we finally get to the mountain top it’s easier to throw her off instead of having to chase her while she runs away screaming for help…
And some men wonder why some women would choose a bear.
I would choose a teddy bear over any human in the woods.
TBF bears are pretty great. Bears probably win over women, too.
A bear would totally run away and abandon you on a hiking trail. No difference there.
Speaking from experience.
*results may vary in Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, and Alaska.
MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive…[MJ] could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
This is like saying you agreed to go dutch on a date, and then feeling that something was “off” because you couldn’t shake the feeling he was intending to split the bill.
No shit?
he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive
her partner was seeing other women.
So she had a double standard. Then surprisepikachu’s when she tells him to go ahead and he does. Lol
Even casual partners will want to know if their partner is sleeping with others for a variety of reasons.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
He kept pushing ahead and going faster than she could, what else was she supposed to do besides tell him to go on ahead?
I would argue you shouldn’t give the person trying to do something bad exactly what they want
If I’m with a man who is clearly pissed off, im not going to insist he stay with me if he doesn’t want to. That’s more dangerous than being on a hike alone for a woman.
Ok fair tbh
I agree with you. It just gives them plausible deniability. Better to communicate clearly. “Stop walking so fast. I can’t keep up. I don’t feel comfortable being left behind. In fact, if you leave me behind, I’ll start a TikTok trend to shame you.”
These men that abandon their partner on hikes because they can’t properly express their own feelings should be publicly shamed.
Tell him to wait for you. You don’t abandon your hiking partners.
Still trying really hard to make this situation the woman’s fault, hm?
It’s a real struggle in that situation - do you insist that the man you’re with who is visibly frustrated and physically stronger than you wait? Or do you give him what he wants which is to push ahead and leave you?
This is why women choose the bear.
It’s both of their faults. She chose a piece of shit and he is a piece of shit.
Women need to learn how to protect themselves from scumbags if they want to stop being taken advantage by them.
Unfortunately, I guarantee the women he switched to will not learn from the previous ones’ mistakes. They’re just going to be glad it’s their turn, lol.
Your portrayal of the woman in this story is wildly inconsistent. Reflect on why you keep changing your views to make what happened her fault.
Not really. I’ve been consistent this entire time.
As usual, you people need to twist your brains into knots to find ways not to blame a woman.
Did you read the article? What about the guy who refused a rescue helicopter and left his partner on top of a mountain alone to die without even using the blanket? Surely that’s the woman’s fault somehow?
What part of “you don’t abandon your hiking partner” was unclear to you
What part of that was within the woman’s control?
None, which is why I’m confused about why you think I’m blaming her.
“Tell him to wait for you.”
That’s the sentence where you’re putting the onus on the woman to tell her partner to wait for her.
He should do that already.
Both of these people seem like shitbags so it’s not surprising they both do shitty things to each other.
Wow what an insughtful and balanced take. It must be true because your position is in the middle of two arbitrary extremes. Why didn’t I think of that!
People are so weird. I once worked closely with a single woman, and the boss had a big Christmas party for the managers, and she brought a guy that she’d been dating for a couple months, and was getting close to.
For some reason that none of us ever learned, he decided to completely ignore her that night. He knew nobody at that party but her, and yet he pretended like he’d never seen her before. It wasn’t a big party,maybe 20 people, so we ALL saw what was going on. Eventually, he took her home, but they never went out again.
I asked her about what happened, and he wouldn’t discuss it. He dropped her off at home, and they never spoke about it on the ride home or after. The guy just decided to turn into a different person that night.
BTW, she was a really cool person, pretty, fashionable, great hair, super smart, funny, great job, owned her own house, etc. The loss was entirely his.
Was she dating my ex-husband? He would do this to me when we went rock climbing. To the point where the people there didn’t recognize me at all even though he worked there.
Ugh, that is the stupidest, irritating thing. I felt disgust through the screen.
There are lots of parties where I don’t speak with my partner at all, but we’ve been together for nearly 15 years. That’s not how it works in your first… I dunno, three years?
